Wednesday, July 20, 2016

What I Will Do As Vice President

I've watched enough episodes of "Veep" (0.5) to know that the job is mostly cocktail parties where people try to peddle influence.  I've watched enough episodes of "West Wing" (all of them) and "House of Cards" (all of them so far) to know that there is more to the job: glad handing foreign dignitaries when the real President doesn't have time, playing bad cop with Capital Hill and pushing secondary agenda items for the party.

Beers and Brats

I can do most of that: I have a firm handshake which will come in handy (see what I did there) at the cocktail parties and with the dignitaries.  I currently do not have any influence with anyone (maybe the MSD, but she is pushing back more and more) and do not expect to have any with anyone should I be chosen.  Without any influence, the cocktail parties can be turned into something less formal and more fun.  Maybe backyard barbecues?  I'll do that anytime of year in any weather.  We can invite the foreign dignitaries.  I promise that not everything will be wrapped in bacon.

Weird Cop

Playing bad cop is more of an issue.  I'll admit that I don't look forward to doing that.  There are people who like being the bad guy, or at least do not have any problems with it.  I'm not that person.  I'm a push over with too much compassion for the other person's purported world view.  That's not going to get the votes to pass anything on the president's agenda.  But I have a solution.

Instead of being Bad Cop, I'll be Weird Cop.   Writing these pieces on why HRC should choose me as Veep is proof enough that I'm fit for that role.  Weird Cop does not scare the votes out of people.  Instead, he confuses them out of people.  I'm really good at that.  Every that I ask the MSD what she wants to talk about and she says, "nothing," I get to go on a monologue about how interesting "nothing" is: it is a name for something that is the absence of everything, but because it has a name it must be something.  Also, it does not exist inside our universe as even the interstellar vacuum contains things: stray atoms, quantum foam, etc.

Any congress critter that doesn't want to get into those kinds of conversations will vote the way I want them to.  Or we can discuss how Augmented Reality will affect clothing sales (negatively).  Your choice.

Agenda, My Ass

And that leaves promoting the party's secondary agenda items.  I'm clear that the President gets to deal with Minimum Wage and Health Care Reform so that she can claim those as clear wins for herself.  But that does leave things like reducing defense spending or keeping the Public Lands public.  Things that she wants to be wins for her administration, but don't need to be wins for her personally.  Again, I think I can help.

All of that TV watching means that I KNOW politics is all about give and take.  Usually, this means that a congress critter give me their vote on one issue and I stop blocking them on something else.  Instead, if they give me their vote, I'll offer to hold a VP Barbecue in their district for their constituents.  Everybody wins.

That's really what all of this comes down to: being good with a grill.


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