The Final Plea - Why I want to be VP

I've written a fair amount on what I would do as Vice President under Hillary and the Machine and some of my qualifications, but I'm not sure that I've adequately explained why I want the job.

Number Two Is The First Loser

On the surface, it is pretty thankless: doing all of the President's scut work.  Even a few layers down, it's still pretty awful and I certainly understand why someone like Elizabeth Warren or Bernie Sanders would feel that they can get more done as Senators and such than as VP.  Also, if they aren't chosen as their party's candidate when the President finishes her second term, then their political career is pretty much over (Right, Al Gore?)

In fact, the whole "One Heartbeat Away" scares the beezumbees out of me.  I do not want to be president.  I want to be Vice President.  I will do everything in my power to ensure that you, Hillary, are in perfect health.  Every day, I pledge to text you about your fiber intake, how much exercise you're getting, making sure that you listen to your security detail.  I want you alive.  How many of your other VP candidates really mean that?

MONEY!

But, at its very core, the job has a few things to offer.  It pays well: $230,700 per year and there's a pension plan that would be a minimum of $28,000 per year (assuming that I last the full five years to qualify which isn't bloody likely.)  There are also the health benefits and the security detail and the transportation benefits.  Most people also get free housing at the Naval Observatory in Bethesda, MD, but I've already said that I'd wave that.

As someone who is currently unemployed, this all sounds pretty sweet.  It's certainly worth dealing with all of the power hungry jerk-wads that exist in Washington for a few years.  Before I go any farther, I should explain that I'm unemployed in that I don't have an official job.  I am not taking any unemployment benefits as I am employable.  I could be employed as Vice President, for instance.

Let's Do This Hill-Bear!

There it is, Hillary.  Pick me and you will:

• Lower unemployment (by one)
• Have someone genuinely invested in your health
• Bridge the Weirdness Gap
• Have a Fall Guy for whatever scandal comes your way

Lets Make This Country Weird Together!

#schmoidforVP